It’s been a few years since the Bufo toad venom had popped up on my radar – at that time I’d decided that rather than actively seeking out the experience, I would manifest it into my life. As these things tend to play out, I received a call from a friend of a friend requesting to hire out my retreat space to a facilitator offering this very medicine.
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I was aged 22, when after numerous months of pain, confusion, fear and medical examinations, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Nothing can really prepare you for that moment when you’re sitting in the doctor’s office and being told that statistically speaking, you will be in a wheelchair within 15 years…and dead within 30.
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Throwing myself into the world of singledom, highlighted and brought forth two unreconciled parts of self. My 18-month-old inner child. The one I now identify with the imagery of a scared, unsettled kid, reaching up for mummy. He’s been rampant every time I feel overwhelmed and unsupported.
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Despite a clear resistance towards potentially learning truths that i did not want to bear, I decided on a self guided MDMA trip as my vessel through the ego. Having eaten a light breakfast, I ingested 100 mg, put on a tailored Psychedelic Therapy playlist and settled down on my couch with night shades on.
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One of the ways I find best to look at emotions is to compare them to food and our digestive system. Like food, emotions are organic material that require processing (or digestion) by the body. Also like food, some emotions are more complex than others and subsequently require more effort and time to process.
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You’re lonely, insecure about the dating game and are lovesick. You meet someone who is great and start thinking that you really like this person, that you could date, fuck and possible have a future together.
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Ask yourself what is on that checklist you hold so dearly to your heart; what are the personality characteristics, physical attributes and behavioural traits that you yearn for in the other?
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On a psychedelic trip we often come to the point where we’re faced with a challenge of surrender.
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Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age.
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We drove up to my favourite spot. Here, nature manicured the environment with only a hint of human participation. Our intentions were to connect, both to ourselves, each other and our surroundings.
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Assume that we're all born without personality constraints. That we can be anyone, say anything and act in any way possible.
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On the tail-end of the shamanic healing experience, this is the theory I deduced.
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This is my story about love, will power, intention and the magic of the Amazon.
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Imagine you woke up tomorrow and couldn’t remember who you were.
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