Inner Journey

We drove up to my favourite spot. Here, nature manicured the environment with only a hint of human participation. Our intentions were to connect, both to ourselves, each other and our surroundings. My dog accompanied us too. Watching him roll around in the grass, interacting with the natural elements would act as a reminder, of how life could be experienced in the moment without, ego or social constraints.

We took a high dose of Psilocybin mushrooms and waited. Having fasted since morning, it only took 15 minutes for the psychedelia to begin. A sense of uneasiness swelled up inside me; a pressure in my stomach and chest. This was my fears trying to rise to the surface and my ego preventing their escape. As my sense of comfort worsened, I tried to meditate and to surrender myself into the moment, in which the past and future were inconsequential. The trip was too strong and my attempts continuously failed.

The only way forward was to delve further into the psychedelia. I worked up the courage and loaded a pipe of DMT. This was not a time for hesitation; I had come here for this purpose. I whispered my intentions asking to connect to the moment, allowing for my ego to subside and my fears to surface.

I breathed out the smoke and time stopped. I became one with everything around me. The sense of awe was overpowering and in that moment I knew that I needed to throw up and purge my fears; to combine the physical with the psychological in order to disable the ego and free me from myself. It worked, and as I returned back to our rug the internal block had dissipated. The first step had been achieved and now the working-through phase had started. Without the constraints of the ego, these fears seemed trivial, and were met with love and self-compassion. Using the magic from the Psilocybin, helped to role-play imagery of real-life situations; facing and accepting each fear in various settings.

As the uneasiness dissipated and self-acceptance dawned on me, the second phase came to an end. Now was the goal to completely surrender to the moment. I loaded a second pipe and murmured my intentions. As I breathed out, I let go; connected and accepted the Universal Love into my being. Pure bliss filled my body and a timeless smile crossed my face.