My romantic relationship had been suffering lately. Frankly, it had gotten so conflictual that I began to think about walking away. The mental debate that was occuring lacked clarity and to reach an accurate and truthful decision, I needed to bypass my ego; to have a dialog with my true self, whilst putting aside doubts and fears.
Despite a clear resistance towards potentially learning truths that i did not want to bear, I decided on a self guided MDMA trip as my vessel through the ego. Having eaten a light breakfast, I ingested 100 mg, put on a tailored Psychedelic Therapy playlist and settled down on my couch with night shades on.
Reconnecting with my intentions, i allowed my mind to be guided by my breath and the music. As the drug kicked in, I began asking a multitude of variations of the same question: Can we be together?
Each answer sprung instantly from my innate wisdom: “No”.
Refusing to accept the outcome and driven by the intensity of the music, I fought on, whilst grief and sadness began to overwhelm me. No matter what I asked, no matter what loops I tried to find in my questioning, my truth remained the same. I was devastated but began to accept the reality. It was over.
Sometime later, as I’d gone through the emotional process associated with accepting the truth, a new question suddenly surfaced:
What if I change?
“Yes”
Curious and slightly taken aback, I pressed on. If i change, can we be together?
“Yes”
If I reign in my destructive drug habit, push through my resistance to intimacy, water her like a flower, can we be together?
“Yes! Yes! YES!
In sync with the music, my trip took a magnificent turn. A clear path of action began to emerge and it became obvious, both how much I want to keep this relationship and what I’d need to do to keep the flame lit.
Love suddenly filled my chest, both for my partner and for myself. I began to marvel at the magnificent collaboration between the truth serum and my innate wisdom.
Left with a solid resolve that for the relationship to shine, my evolution is mandatory, I returned back to consciousness and began preparations to integrate and action this amazing experience.
